| Ugh... |
|
|
| 10:51pm 04/12/2006 |
| |
...it's been terrible the last 2 or 3 days. My dog has fallen ill, and all signs that I can make out point to bowel obstruction, something extremely serious and will end up killing her if left untreated. She won't eat, and she barely drinks, which does nothing to help the problem, and has been throwing up constantly. We NEED to get her to a vet, but we have no money and she's not legally registered, so they'll end up taking her and euthanizing her or fix her up and give her away to someone else. This situation is absolutely terrible, and I wish it was just END.
Every time I look at her, I can tell she's getting closer and closer... I just can't bare looking at her, it drives me nuts. Her eyes are the saddest I've seen and instead of being the highly energetic puppy she is, she's been moping around like a 10-year-old dog. Now it's to the point where she'll only sleep and barely opens her eyes. I feel so helpless because there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I know this, but it's doesn't make me feel any better, sitting here, and watching her slowly die. I have never cried so much in my entire life than I have today. I don't know if it's because I can't shake the feeling of death off my mind, or if it's because I'm completely useless in all of this, but I've been crying on and off all day, and I can't control it. I look at her looking at me and I can just see it. She's not herself and there's little time to fix things. Anything would be better than having to sit here all day watching her due slowly, if only "anything" was a viable option at this very minute. I've been alone with her all day and I can't take it any longer. It's emotionally and physically draining, but there's nothing I can do to stop it. Perhaps it's the fact that I have have a single friend outside of the internet and I have less to defend, more to lose, or perhaps it's just the way I am, not being able to ignore something like this. To be blunt, this isn't me at all.
But what is me? Absolutely nothing. I don't know what the hell I am. Before today, I was absolutely cold and indifferent in real life, and I still am really, for the most part, but today I'm the exact opposite. WELL WHICH IS IT!? From this point on, my number one priority is rebuilding myself, into something that's at least minimally desirable and useful. I'm nothing right now, and the one thing I promised myself is that I would NEVER be nothing. I have a lot against me, and still do, but I've had the chance out of everyone in my family. I've had the chance for college, but for what? So that I could ruin it, be stuck with an $850 fine, be in debt and not be able to go back for a long while? From now on, I'm living life MY way, and not under the fear of scrutiny from others. My life is mine only and if I can't live up to at least this single fact, then just who the hell am I?
What the hell am I going to do with my life? I can't specialize in anything because I'm not EXCEPTIONAL at anything. What am I going to do with that!? It's nice to be decent at most things, but what's that going to do for your paycheck? How am I going to make a living off of "decent"? I don't want to be stuck working at a factory, I would rather die than that. It would be my personal hell. It's apparent I have absolutely no choice at the moment, for that's all I can do right now... I can't live like that, I can't settle for that, and I won't. It's just that there's so little I can do, and for the most part, at this very moment, I'm a damned bum. I just wish I could figure out what to do... My friend wants to rent an appartment or small house with me (50/50 on rent and other bills), but I really don't want to (I didn't tell him that). That's probably one of the worst things you can do, and him being my only friend offline... I can't risk getting in an argument over something stupid and that being the end of it. He and I just don't see eye to eye anyway. I'm tolerant of mostly everything and, believe it or not, see everyone as equals. He and so many others in this world do not, which makes it difficult to share any sort of opinion to him. I'd like to think that it's great to be able to think like I do since so many people don't, but I begin to regret this, as it's all futile and there's no fitting in in a world where hate is what most people have in common. It just doesn't seem like there's that much for me to do, except be flushed down the toilet of society and become another chameleon in the crowd... I just can't stand for that...
Anyway, sorry about the rant. I just needed to get that out, urgently.
Anyway, I'll add this, which I stole from Icey. :P
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Heh. =D |
|
|
| 01:23pm 22/07/2006 |
| |
mood:  bored music: Guilty - The Ramsus
|
Got paid this week... I immediately went out and bought a Nintendo DS, because I need something to do at work during break. Also, when I get the adapter or a wireless router (probably be getting the router), I'll be able to play with people online. =P I bought the $150 pack that came with Mario Kart DS (which is either $30 or $40, instead of the DS Lite with no game, saving $10-$20. I also got Brain Age, which actually isn't as entertaining as Big Brain Academy (which I played the day before I bought the DS). I'll probably end up getting both, since Brain Age is more of a "brain exerciser" and Big Brain Academy has more interesting types of exercises and has a better ranking system (and you can't do much with other players with Brain Age). It's still a good game, though.
Haha... moving onto work. I'm sure many have read about me griping about numbering the thousands of books in the school... well... after a good 3 weeks of numbering books, we have to number them AGAIN!!! WHAT THE HECK!?
--------------------
Obligatory "What Kind of _____ Are You?" Quiz
What Kind of Villian Are You?
Take the Villain quiz. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Ugh... |
|
|
| 10:26pm 18/07/2006 |
| |
mood:  lazy music: Daniel Powter - Bad Day
|
Work... Boring... Boring... Work... Boring... Boring... Work... Work...
If you didn't notice, so far this week, work may have been a little boring.
Piles and piles of paperwork, that's what we got, oh wait, my partner didn't show up for work so I did it by myself. :x Well... sorta. I kind of did a few, fell asleep, woke up, did a few, accidently fell back to sleep and repeated the process until break. After break I did a few, spaced off, did a few space off, and so on until THAT break. Then after THAT break, I worked like hell. Haha, such a waste of time that needs to be done *yawn*. Don't know why the older woman I work with came back to help, I mean, she helped me do the work a little, but she tries to do it MUCH more quickly than I'm comfortable doing it. Oh well, when Ashley returns tomorrow, she'll be sleeping, and I'll probably end up doing it too. x_x
The work's not difficult, not at all, but I REALLY don't feel like getting tendonitus because I kept moving the same muscles and joints in the exactly same way for 5-6 hours. I don't know about most cases, but when I had it, it was the worst pain I had ever felt.
I just don't think the work's important enough for me to get that again (albeit it lasts about 3-4 days with the brace and the correct medication). Yay for 4 more weeks of work until it ends! YEAH! Then I can get a job that's not so... annoying.
Haha! That's all I have to say, a big bunch of complaining, but I'm in that type of mood today. xD
(oh, and Icey, I also have a huge file full of these quizzes that I've taken in the past. A LOT of quizzes. xD)
Yeah, a repeat quiz, but when I went through my file and found it... HOLY CRAP IT RELATES TO THE TOPIC! I'm a damned lazy bum (take away the genius part, though). xD
--------------------
Obligatory "What Kind of ___ Are You?" Quiz:
What Naruto Character are You Most Like?
 | You scored as Shikamaru. You're Shikamaru, the lazy genius.
You often wonder how can life be so troublesome, you like to take it easy. You're one of the laziest people around, and it's really hard to believe you're a genius with a high IQ and logic that never fails... That�s one big surprise when you show them what you can do!
Shikamaru | | 69% | Kakashi | | 69% | Sasuke | | 63% | Genma | | 63% | Hinata | | 63% | Rock Lee | | 50% | Neji | | 50% | TenTen | | 44% | Iruka | | 38% | Naruto | | 25% | </td>
Which Naruto ninja are you most like?
created with QuizFarm.com |
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Hmm... not much but work. |
|
|
| 10:54pm 13/07/2006 |
| |
mood: exanimate music: Meant To Live - Switchfoot
|
Hmm... not much ot say really. It was a boring week, and we slept up in our bookroom where no one would come to check on us (well, truthfully I'm more lookout, since I made it so I wouldn't fall asleep, she slept like a baby though. xD) and didn't work too hard until Thursday, when we actually worked and felt like we were truly accomplishing something. Time passes much more quickly when you put your fatigue and other thoughts aside and just do your job, it's a lot more rewarding too. :P
Well, work was boring, but I was introduced to this site, it's for those that have played videogames (especially old-school games) and think they can take on the task of guessing a game by it's tune.
http://vgmq.garoux.net/
^ Go there, fool!
Let's see... what else... what else...
Oh yeah, I watched about 50 episodes of Naruto this week (well more like 4 or 5 days, but whatever). Oh man, Naruto binge. :x
Yep, I have nothing interesting to say, deal with it!
--------------------
Obligatory "What Kind of _____ Are You?" Test:
What Kind of Mage Are You?
Take the Role-Playing Stereotype quiz. |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Boring and Hectic Work Day *sigh* |
|
|
| 07:25pm 05/07/2006 |
| |
mood:  contemplative music: Switchfoot - Meant to Live
|
Well, it was a very boring and well... quite normal day at work. In fact, I think I'll type out my schedule. =O
7:00 AM - 9:59 AM: Numbering Books (well, technically I just grabbed the books and crossed out the old numbers, my partner wrote them in.)
9:00: BREAK!!!! I ate cashews... yup. Oh, and I bought a bottle of pink lemonade... yum...
9:20: Break over, got stomach cramps because of the nuts and lemonade I consumed (I get sick when I eat in the morning, go figure). Those subsidedin about 10 minutes.
9:20 AM: 11:00 AM - NUMBERING BOOKS!
11:00 AM: LUNCH OMG FINALLY!
11:10 AM: Lunch interrupted, a shipment of ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTY-FOUR BOXED OF BOOKS come in and I have to stop my lunch to help unload them. We got 15 extra minutes of break afterward due to the time we lost, but I wasn't hungry after unloading.
11:40(45?)- 1:00: Help my partner and her mother (basically the semi-principal) prepare some binders since we're completely redoing what the old lady (the woman I technically work for) has done in the last thirty years... which mean I pretty much sat there and did nothing while my partner (I'll call her Ashley now) typed out some forms. Well, I really couldn't have done anything if I wanted to, since her mother's the one taking care of it. :P
1:00 - 1:20: BREAK (Ate more Cashews)
1:20 - 3:00: Take books out of the boxes and stack them. -_- Sooooooooo boring... and while it's not "heavy" work, the continuous and repetitive motions that I do over and over again began to take a toll on the muscles and joints. Oh, and we go out to get a drink and a little shout comes from down the hall: "Get back to work! F***ing sissies." Heh, idiots. Little do they know that our work is the most demanding and important in the school and that while they sit on their arses talking about fart jokes, we're (well, I) sweating like hell working our full length.
3:00: Break, went into an unmoved computer lab and got on the computers for 20 minutes. :P
3:20 - 4:00: Take books out of the boxes... again. But, work's over OMG. =O Check tomorrow!
-----------------------
Yeah, well, anyway, there's always funny stories going around, about that "guy" that a few of you might know about. I don't care who thinks it's mean, because the guy is such an arse to everyone and doesn't work while commanding other to, that I've lost all sympathy I've had for the man... yes he can't read, but he's done nothing to correct the problem, and I still think some of the things he does and stories he tells are outrageous... anyway:
There's a painting crew in the school, like there usually is with this sort of thing. Anyway, the painters were in the wrestling room with Geary (the man in I mentioned earlier). On the wrestling room wall, there is some writing, basically decoration supporting the school's wresting team. There were having trouble deciding out how to paint around it until genius Geary jumped in...
Worker: I don't know how we're going to paint around that without messing it up...
Geary: Well, that's easy. Just paint around the edges of the "J" and make sure not to get anything on it.
Worker: Um... it says "Wrestling Raiders"...
(you figure it out, haha xD)
(some might remember the bleach story as well. xD)
Muhaha. That's my mundane update for the day. ZOMG
--------------------
Obligatory "What Kind of _____ Are You?" Test:
What Naruto Character are You?:
Which Naruto Character Are You?
Test by naruto - kun.com |
|
| |
|
|
| |
| I R TEH NINJAH! |
|
|
| 09:39pm 03/07/2006 |
| |
mood:  mischievous
|
Hmm... not much to say... EXCEPT THAT I'M COMPLETELY ADDICTED TO "Naruto: Ultimate Ninja" FOR THE PS2! Yeah, I've been spending a lot of time playing, thus not spending quite as much time on the internet. On top of that, I haven't really been in the mood for chatting lately, so I've been steering clear of instant messagers since I've only been getting on for minutes at a time just so I can hop back and play more UN.
Haha, this week I only have two days of work. This would normally be awful because I would have a much smaller paycheck, but in this case, I don't care how much I get paid, I just want to get this over with. I can't leave in the middle of my job and just leave everything hanging, so I'm going to work until the first or second week of August so I can get out of the digusting school and move onto some real work, and get back into college once I save up the money.
Well, in about 2 and a half hours, the beginning of the US Independence Day starts. Not too much is going on here. We're going to have the traditional and cliche' family cook-out and we'll probably go down near the river and watch the fireworks. I'd like to camp out over-night, but, while it may be the 4th of July, it is also my last day before works starts again. x_x Why couldn't they have just given us the 4th and 5th off instead? Idiots, though that's what I've come to expect from around here. *sigh*
Oh, I know! I'll get to put some of my rants in here later! There's enough drama at work that I find the idea of putting some of the absurd and somewhat inappropriate happenings at work in here! Haha, well we'll find out what happens this week. :3
--------------------
Obligatory "What kind of ___ are you quiz.":
[b]What Kind of "Smart" Are You?[/b]
All-Around Smart
You are all-around smart. Essentially, that means that you are a good combination of your own knowledge and experience, along with having learned through instruction - and you are equally as good with theoretical things as you are with real-world, applied things. You have a well-rounded brain.
0% applied intelligence
20% natural intelligence
|
|
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
thehusky's journal
